Mr Lee Kuan Yew (LKY) is known to the world as a great statesman with brilliant insights and a track record of turning a hopeless swampland into a thriving city. Ordinary mortals like me cannot aspire to that kind of near-impossible achievement. However, as a role model, there are certain attributes of him which all of us can copy with some hopes of success. Mr Lee Kuan Yew will always be known to me as a wonderful husband. In his choice of wife, he has demonstrated himself to be the epitome of rationality. These are behavioral traits all Singaporean men can aspire to and hopefully achieve.
I do not earn my bread from the government and do not get any benefits for singing their song. Besides, nobody really knows who I am. The purpose of this post is to describe certain behavioral traits of a role model that can be emulated by all of us regardless of class and intelligence. My intended audience are my sons who will be able to read it a decade later.
I would like to dedicate this post to two past and present Prime Ministers of Singapore and the extraordinary woman who gave us those two Prime Ministers.
- LKY remained faithful to his wife. Not a single mistress.
LKY had many enemies. It is inevitable that a tough leader who bulldozes unpopular policies will make several enemies because those policies, even if effective ultimately, will create many losers along the way. These losers will hate him no matter what. Being a reader of alternative news media, I have encountered plenty of vile comments about him on internet forums by anonymous haters. Yet, LKY was so clean on this aspect of his life that never a single hate comment ever hinted that he had affairs outside the marriage. If it were true, his enemies would have seized upon such news to destroy him. These kind of rumors are the hardest to suppress because they make the best fodder for gossip. It is impossible to shut people's mouths on such topics because they are so juicy. Nothing destroys a politician faster and more thoroughly than juicy news like sex. The deafening silence of such rumors about LKY is solid evidence of his faithfulness to his wife. The absence of such rumors apply to his son, our present PM, as well.
LKY became the Prime Minister of Singapore at the age of 36. At 36, one is still sexually vigorous and easily tempted ( I am fully aware as I am only slightly younger than 36). Despite attaining power at such a young age, he never abused his power and stayed true to his woman. If you have a copy of his auto-biography, the photos showed him as a tall and handsome man in his young days. With such physical characteristics, temptations may even come his way without him seeking it. Unlike the successful men throughout history who have indulged in womanizing, LKY remained a one-woman man.
It is no big deal for a middle-class income boring engineer like me to stay faithful to his wife, but it is a big deal for highly successful men to stay clean. Although I have been a faithful man to my wife, I cannot claim to stand on moral high ground because I am devoid of such temptations due to my lackluster career achievements as an engineer. Should I become rich and successful one day, I cannot guarantee that I can resist such temptations. To be honest, I cannot even guarantee that I would not seek out such temptations. LKY is a good role model to remind potential cheaters like me to stay steadfast to our wives. If a more powerful and more handsome man exposed to more temptations could do it, I should be ashamed of myself if I failed.
This tradition started by the first Prime Minister of Singapore should be made into an iron-clad rule to be followed by future Prime Ministers. If a politician can cheat the woman he claims to love, then what more for strangers like the voters whom he is elected to represent? For practical reasons, I am not sure if this rule should be extended to the Ministers for fear that the country may run out of Ministers. I think a country headed by men who stay true to their women will have a better chance of staying corruption-free.
- Highly rational in his choice of wife and approach to life
In a speech to university students, LKY
said "You either have the Western view: You marry the woman you love. Or
the Eastern view: You love the woman you marry. I tried to match both
and I think it wasn’t a bad choice." When young men follow the first
view to marry the woman they love, they usually end up marrying the
woman they lust. I would like to boast on matters relating to women, I
am a rational man who acts from the head. Unfortunately, this boast
collapses the moment a stunning lady comes along whereupon blood flows
from the head straight down to the groin. Most young men made their
choices of girlfriends/wives not from the head but from the groin but
very few admit it.
LKY certainly acted from his head in his
choice of wife. Mrs Lee caught his attention when she beat him in
English and economics in school. A man who is used to winning will
probably be furious at being beaten by a woman. He gave new meaning to
the phrase "If you can't beat them, join them". He married the victor.
His choice of wife was unusual in Asian
society. Asian men preferred to marry down and not up. Asian men
preferred younger women. LKY defied both conventions and married a
smarter, older woman. (I think since women generally have a longer
lifespan, society will be better off if more men marry older women so
that neither party will be lonely for too long in the last years of
their lives.)
Mrs Lee yielded numerous advantages to
the husband. His political opponents did not enjoy the same edge as he
did in having a brilliant adviser behind the scenes. By providing
insurance for his risky job, the capable wife who can look after the
family independently gave him a psychological advantage over his enemies
who have to worry constantly about their own family. Mrs Lee was frugal
and therefore careful with the family's finances. No wonder LKY dared
to share a joint account with her. As co-manufacturer and nurturer of
the next generation, Mrs Lee gave Singapore a Prime Minister, a business
leader and a skillful neuro doctor. I think Dr Lee Wai Ling is skillful
because I had a relative who was so pleased with Dr Lee's treatment of
her little girl that she said she will vote for PAP as long as she
lives. (Wonder why the linkage?).
LKY was very rational in his choice of
wife. It is not hard to see that his choice was made on good
calculations. As usual, he had his way and got the better part of the
deal. I am not sure if Mrs Lee realized her husband's political
ambitions when she agreed to marry him. If she did, I have to thank her
for the sacrifice made.
LKY was a very risky man to marry. During
his time, politics was a very dangerous career. If he had lost to the
communists, he could have lost his freedom and be thrown in jail. Even
if he won, he still faced the constant risk of assassination. It is also
uncertain whether the political opponents would fix the family after
fixing the man. The risk of becoming a single mother burdened with the
responsibilities of bringing up the children alone in treacherous
conditions is not low. On top of that, a politician's wife has to give
up her social privacy. Which woman, after careful consideration, would
want to marry such a man? It is no exaggeration when LKY said that he
would have been a different man had he married a different woman. In
fact, the country might have been a different country had he married a
different woman. Thank you, Mrs Lee for the courage and sacrifice to
marry LKY. It was a pity that Mrs Lee kept a low profile to avoid
out-staging her husband. There are few collections of her speeches and
writings. We are not able to benefit from her wisdom.
Mr Lee's rational approach to life is a
trait worth emulated by Singaporeans. A rational person will not have
bad habits like visiting the casino (with the odds always against you,
why play to lose?), smoking (why spend on expensive cigarettes to harm
yourself and family?) and womanizing (why risk losing your beloved
family and a substantial portion of your financial assets for a moment's
pleasure?)
Rationality is one trait I would
encourage my sons to cultivate, especially in their choice of wives. If
they marry the wrong woman, I will lose them and the family will be
ruined.
- A loving husband
Before marriage, cold calculations were
made in his choice of wife. After marriage, LKY loved and took care of
his wife come what may. Read the eulogies for Mrs Lee and appreciate how
LKY took personal care of his wife after she had a stroke. He did not
take the easy way out and leave this burdensome task to the nurses and
maids. He really loved the woman he married.
It
is amazing how a man who has been taken care of in almost his entire
lifetime by women (first his mother, then his wife) reversed role to
take care of his wife at the age of 80!! Even more amazing was that
the quality of care given was so good that Mrs Lee preferred her
husband's care to that of the doctors' (as mentioned in one of Dr Lee
Wei Ling's letters). Her granddaughter thought that the late grandmother was secretly happy to be taken care of.
In her final days, LKY would read her favorite poems at night. He
talked to her but she cannot talk back. It was very sad. He persevered
to her last days.
As a husband, Mr Lee Kuan Yew has set a
very high bar for men to follow. He puts to shame the men who cheated on
their wives for prettier, younger women. He puts to shame people like
me who may be too selfish to render the same degree of care to my wife
should she meet with the same fate as Mrs Lee.
If Singaporean men were to use him as a role model husband, our society would be strengthened.
*Author Blogs @ http://thinking-free-and-fair.blogspot.com.au
