Sufiah's story

Sufiah's story

By Halimahton Yusof

• Update: I'm delighted to say that, as reported in the Harian Metro newspaper, Sufiah has now expressed regret for her previous actions and is now undertaking charity work in London instead
• This story is about my daughter Sufiah, her upbringing, and why her life has turned out the way it has
• This is the only place to get the facts about Sufiah and our family
• The recent media coverage has been largely wrong or misleading
• This story isn't about the way Sufiah was taught; my book describes in detail the way I taught Sufiah and my other children

Sufiah in Malaysia

Following the recent stories in the media about my daughter Sufiah, many people have asked us why she has chosen the path she is currently on, and in spite of her considerable talents. Much of what has been printed in the media is simply wrong — there have been many ridiculous and untrue claims such as us not attending her wedding and our old house being kept cold on purpose!

As Sufiah's mother and as a woman who has known and cared for her since the day she was born, I'd like to tell the story of her life as far as I know it. While I can only speculate like everyone else as to why she is now doing what she is doing, I hope that this will give you an idea about what Sufiah was like as a person.

I also hope that other people — especially parents — can learn something from this story, so that they can avoid making the same mistakes.

Overview

Early years (read more)

• Sufiah was just one of five wonderful children, all of whom grew up to be extremely capable
• Sufiah was a very good, well-behaved child, although people sometimes perceived her as being softer than my other children
• Life was difficult in the early years; we had little money or support as we were in a foreign country
• My (now ex-) husband Farooq was not around during these years, and I was practically a single mother
• Our family was very close-knit in the early years, as we all had to work together and support one another
• I tried to give my children a good upbringing, so that they would be able to face the challenges ahead of them

Sufiah, Iskander, Aisha, and Abraham

School (read more)

• Sufiah and my other children did not want to stay at school, as they were already so far ahead that the school did not cater to their needs
• While my children preferred to learn from me at home, I was very hesitant as I knew it would be difficult and I did not have many resources
• Eventually, however, I reluctantly agreed to continue teaching my children at home
• Things seemed to work out well in spite of our difficult circumstances, and my children ended up being many years ahead of their peers

Excerpts from Sufiah's letters to Farooq (before Farooq returned)

Things changed (read more)

• Things changed when my (now ex-) husband Farooq came back to the family
• Initially, everyone was happy when Farooq returned
• But then he insisted that he take over Sufiah and my other children's upbringing, and my kids did not like the change
• Farooq was insensitive and aggressive, and often made the atmosphere at home very tense and oppressive for my children and me
• Farooq had little respect for my opinions or anything I did with the children
• I did not have the strength or means to contend with Farooq, so I tried to compromise by encouraging him to change his ways — but he usually just dismissed anything I said
• I also feared what would happen to my children and me if I tried to leave Farooq
• Occasionally Farooq would promise to change for the better, but he invariably forgot his promise and went back to his old ways within a few months
• Sufiah never said much about her father's behaviour, but she must have bottled up her emotions inside
• Farooq's actions also took a toll on my health and self-esteem
• Farooq focused obsessively on my children's tennis, but because they were already so far ahead academically this had little impact on their studies
• At this point my kids were still doing well in their studies and in tennis, but they were not as happy and Farooq's behaviour was slowly draining their abilities

Sufiah gets accepted to Oxford (read more)

• The focus switched from tennis to exams after a while, and Sufiah was accepted to Oxford University at age 12
• Because of this and the other family achievements, we received a lot of attention from the media
• While I was happy for Sufiah, I worried that she might be too young for university life and that being in the media spotlight might put her under too much pressure
• I voiced my concerns but again was largely ignored
• The Oxford offer was accepted naively and without much thought

Sufiah's time at Oxford (read more)

• Sufiah and her father were initially delighted at Sufiah's acceptance to Oxford
• But for several reasons Sufiah began to greatly resent Farooq
• There were many other pressures on Sufiah, and her time at Oxford grew increasingly stressful
• Shortly after Sufiah entered Oxford, Aisha and Iskander were accepted to Warwick University
• Because Iskander was only 12 at the time, I had to stay in Warwick while Farooq spent more time with Sufiah
• Thus Sufiah's siblings and I could not be at Oxford to give her company
• Sufiah seemed to be happy when she was in the company of my other children and me (during the holidays)
• But I believe Farooq was very overbearing whenever he was with Sufiah
• Like me, Sufiah must have felt powerless to change things

Sufiah runs away (read more)

• Eventually, the situation grew to be too much for Sufiah and she ran away from Oxford at age 15
• Sufiah later told us that Farooq's behaviour towards the rest of our family was the reason she left, though it might have been compounded by the stress of being the youngest person at Oxford with the attendant media hype
• But Farooq blamed everyone but himself for Sufiah's running away
• Sufiah was found in Bournemouth a few weeks later, and I was just relieved to hear that she was safe and well
• While Sufiah was happy to see my other children and me, she (unsurprisingly) refused to see her father

Reconciliation (read more)

• Although Sufiah was living in Bournemouth and away from the family, my children and I visited her regularly
• Sufiah returned to Oxford after a few years and told us that she wanted to get married
• Relations slowly began to improve, and this was the start of our reconciliation
• Sufiah was even willing to make peace with Farooq
• I was very happy to see that our family seemed to be getting back together again
• Even Farooq appeared to have changed for the better, perhaps because most of my children were now adults

Sufiah leaves again (read more)

• The relationship between Sufiah and her father was still fragile, although it seemed to be improving
• Farooq apologised to Sufiah for his previous actions and they hugged and made up
• But Farooq soon forgot about his apology, and just a few weeks afterwards he verbally attacked Sufiah again
• This was the final straw for Sufiah, and she immediately left
• Everything went downhill for Sufiah after this final incident; she told us shortly afterwards that she was getting a divorce and did not want the family to contact her again
• Because Sufiah was already an adult, we had to respect her wishes and heard nothing from or about her for four years — until we received the news that she had become an escort

Final thoughts (read more)

• In the time since Sufiah left, Farooq's behaviour went from bad to worse and I had no choice but to divorce him
• My biggest mistake was probably that I didn't leave Farooq earlier, but it was an incredibly difficult decision to make when my kids were still young — I was afraid of what the consequences would be for my children
• When Farooq was not present, our family was happy and we were very close
• I do not want to speculate as to why Sufiah became an escort, as I don't know what might have happened in the four years since we last saw her
• Sufiah and Farooq aside, our family is still strong; we need to learn from the past mistakes and move on
• I still hope that Sufiah will come around one day, but we have to be patient and cannot force the issue

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